The Oasiswithin Article Center
Abidance in the self
This is the ideal – ‘Abiding in the Self’ – ‘'That' which we are in essence. (Self is a word used in the Advaita teachings of non-dualism, which is another word for God, Consciousness, Source, and primal Energy etc.)In this busy world of phenomena, the infinite distractions that we usually focus upon can prevent us from reflecting and abiding in our true inner Self. So when the opportunity came up for a weeks silent Retreat in Somerset, I was very keen to attend.
When I was studying for the Interfaith Ministry in the New Seminary some years ago, we had a particular session on ‘ Death and Dying’. We had to imagine being told by the Doctor that we only had a few months to live.Questions that we had to ponder were: What would be our reaction? How would we face this news? What would we have liked to do differently?The only thing that came up for me then was that I would have liked to allow myself more time for silence and contemplation. Being a naturally active body-mind organism, silence and contemplation has not usually been the norm.Yet in recent months, I have been more and more inclined towards silence and abidance in the Self.
Ramana Satsangs, where speakers who share with us about the teaching of non-dualism, have recently been initiated here at the Temple of all Faiths in Reading. ‘Sat’ in Sanskrit means ‘Reality’ and ‘'Sang' means to associate with.
Our first official speaker who gave us Satsang was Satyananda, a Uruguayan teacher of Advaita who inspired us all with his presence and ‘Abidance in the Self’. I heard he was holding a Spring retreat,which was all booked up. I requested a place, however, knowing that if I was meant to go, that was a mere detail. Sure enough, a few days before it was due to begin, I was telephoned with the news that a cancellation had come about and would I like to attend?
It was really interesting and amusing to witness my mind, almost in a panic, upon discovering that I was to spend almost an entire week in silence, suggest other ways of occupying myself, like taking some knitting that I was doing for my grandchild with me and books that I could read etc. I threw them in the boot of the car, just in case!
When I arrived at the Youth Hostel in the Somerset Countryside, having paid my dues, I was asked to select one of the bunk beds in the Ladies dormitory. I selected the lower bunkbed, which permitted one to lie on ones back without much room for other movements. I had my usual excess baggage with me never finding it easy to travel light and struggled to find somewhere to unpack its contents. It had been many years since I had slept in similar conditions and I wondered fleetingly if it had been such a good idea to attend after all!
We were allowed to talk at the first evening meal, which was excellent organic vegetarian food very much to my liking. There were approximately around fifty people from the UK and Europe and I made friends with a German girl called Andrea. ‘Satsang’ was next on the agenda and we were instructed not to talk, smile or even make eye contact with anyone. Reading, writing or any other such activity was also not recommended. I found the first satsang very inspiring and made a resolution to follow all the rules and make the most of the opportunity to be silent and abide in the Self. It was one of those snowy Spring days with the only warmth of a roaring log fire in the common room, and a couple of inefficient heaters in the dormitory. I was glad that I remembered to bring my hot water bottle with me, as had been suggested. I quickly got into the routine of gourmet meals, daily yoga sessions, inspiring satsangs and walks in the countryside. Being a very sociable person I found it very difficult to not acknowledged by smile or eye contact any one I passed during the course of the day and chided myself when I involuntarily said ‘thank you’ to someone who had put off the light that had been disturbing me in the night. However, as the days went by, I became more and more content with being silent watching the snow flurries outside and sitting in meditation mesmerised by the vocal crackling log fire.
The luxury of having everything done for you, like meals being cooked, plates being washed etc. allowed one total freedom to indulge in silence and meditation throughout the day. I realised that silence was not only about ‘not talking’, it was the silence of the ‘inner chatter’ that was even more powerful. Thoughts came and went and when they were not indulged in a peace, that words cannot describe,was born from the stillness and abidance in the Self.
The silence of the Hostel and everything around was conducive to contemplation on the Self. It became easier as the days went by to empty ones thoughts and allow the stillness togo deeper and deeper. Ramesh Balsekar says: “ To meditate you don’t have to have any objective, which means you don’t have any expectation at all. In these moments you don’t find Reality, the Reality finds you. Just sit quietly for a moment.” Occasionally I would miss hearing my favourite music, as even that was not permitted. I was delighted, however, to hear some music of Beethoven being played one day in the kitchen.
My Birthday happened to fall whilst on the retreat. My friend mentioned it to the host who arranged for a Birthday cake to be made complete with votive candles and ‘Happy Birthday’ was sung to me during the satsang. I was very touched at this kind gesture, however I had not intended to make much of my birthday, as I remembered Ramana Maharshi's words on the subject:” Ye who wish to celebrate your birthday, seek ye first whence was your birth. That indeed is one's birthday when one enters that which transcends birth and death – The Eternal Being. At least on ones birthday one should mourn ones entry into this world (samsara). To glorify and celebrate it is like delighting in decorating a corpse. To seek ones self and merge in the Self- that is wisdom”. So much for my plan of not celebrating Birthdays!
I broke the rule of silence only once when my new friend joined me for a walk, as she needed to talk over some issues that were troubling her. I felt like a guilty school girl who had broken the rules especially when we met our teacher and host who had noticed us in conversation. After that one transgression (if you can call it that, since everything is just a happening, there not being any individual doer!), I returned to the stillness and silence.
All in all it was an inspiring experience and I learned that while occasional silent retreats can be very helpful, one can carry the silence and abidance in the Self wherever one is, even in the outside world with its many distractions. Abidance in the Self is remembering the Self as the substratum of all existence. Like the screen in the movie of life,images and experiences of life come and go only the screen or Self upon which the movie of life is being played is constant.
MARIA JORY
While going for a walk in the countryside during the retreat, pondering on the subject of liberation and freedom, I noticed a bird happily singing its heart out. I felt this yearning to be free like the bird and wrote this poem.
BE FREE LITTLE BIRD
Be free little bird From the caged prison of your own making. There are no bars holding you back? There is no door that needs to be opened? Know that you are already free And have always been so Except in the prison of your imagination No one outside can set you free The latch in the imaginary cage is on the inside. Yet, how can you be freed? When you have never been caged? Realise this little bird And fly high and wide into Eternity.
MARIA JORY
“ The more drenched in this here and now, the deeper it will haunt you. And the more you taste this,here and now, the more familiar the terrain is. It’s like you have a reference,so that at any second, one can notice that presence is just here, hanging around, always here. What I find, what I see as the real beauty of retreats, is that it just normalises this view. It’s not that you retreat and escape from the dreariness of the world, for some period – that's not really the point. It’s that we come here and dive into reality and it becomes more normal all the time. You realise how ordinary it is to just be in quiet presence. It’s about noticing that all thoughts are just flickers, just little electric impulses going on and off.” CATHERINE INGRAM
This document maintained by
multifaith@aol.com.
Material
Copyright © 2000 Oasiswithin