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The Path of Self-enquiry

This article is about the path that my spiritual journey has taken – The path of self-enquiry, although it does not rule out other inclinations of devotion and action. Ed.

THE PATH OF SELF–ENQUIRY

Ramesh Balsekar often says ‘Life is nothing but seeking - from the moment an infant seeks milk from its Mother’s breasts.’ The conscious seeking for ‘Truth’ however happened with this body-mind organism, commonly known as Maria Jory, at a very young age. I remember my Aunts recollecting how I used to paint pictures of my concept of ‘Heaven & Hell’ from as early as four years old. My parents were very devout Catholics & we had to attend Mass daily in the Convent near our home where my father was the resident Doctor, (we even had our own family pew) & said the Rosary every night. The ‘seeking’ continued over the years whilst I was in a Convent Boarding School & even though I was up to every prank imaginable, I was strongly drawn to the’ Sacred Realms’ & would decide to become a nun after every Retreat.

I used to rebel against this rigid religious programme when I left school & yet when I became an Air Stewardess, I never missed Sunday Mass in any of the countries I visited. I would make an effort, even in Russia, to attend Mass in one of the diplomatic residences. The Religious Conditioning had been very strong & had left its effects.

I was given the position of Church Organist when I first married & arrived in England & was one hundred percent committed then to my faith & religious duties. Over the years ‘life happened’ & disillusionment set in with the Church authorities – never the teachings – & eventually I ‘flew the nest’ as it were, to spread my wings & explore the various facets of truth in the different traditions. I explored Spiritualism & the different methods of Spiritual Healing & did my probationary training with the National Federation of Spiritual Healers & opened a healing sanctuary at my home in Reading. The rest is history with the founding of the Multi-Faith Fellowship & Healing Network of Oasis, which is now a registered Charity.

I remember, very vividly, the first time I meditated & had attempted to communicate with my ‘higher self’. I had been reading a book of Shirley Maclaine’s called ‘Dancing in the Light’ & in it she had written about communicating with her ‘higher self’. It acted as a catalyst & so I said to my higher self “ It is about time we started to communicate – I am going to meditate & I want you to tell me something that I don’t know that I know”. I lay there & the words came to me ‘ I AM THAT I AM’. I did not understand the meaning of those words then & thought it was just my imagination getting confused with the saying of Descartes ‘ I THINK THEREFORE I AM’. I told my ‘higher-self ‘: “ Never mind, we will try again tomorrow”.

I continued to read my book & on the last page of the book these words were written: “ I know I exist, therefore I AM. I know the God Source exists, therefore IT IS. I am part of that God Source, therefore I AM THAT I AM “. I was at a loss for words. I had not understood what the initial communication with my higher self had meant & yet when completing the book the explanation had been given. In looking back at that period – about eleven years ago – despite reading numerous books & attending various seminars since – the initial communication with my ‘higher Self’ Source, Consciousness, God or whatever, had said it all.

When I was first given a book about the teachings of ‘Sri Sathya Sai Baba’ called ‘Baba & I’ by John Hislop, many of the issues I had been struggling with over the years like: ‘Re-incarnation & ‘Getting off the cycle of death & rebirth’ etc. were made clearer. From what I thought I understood then‘ Karma was like a chain that one carried behind us – & a simple way to cut the chain was, on awakening in the morning, to devote every thought, word & action to God. In so doing, my simple explanation was that God would ‘carry the tab’ as it were & there would be no further Karma & hence one could get off the cycle of Birth, Death & Rebirth.’ The seed was planted & through a process the realisation ultimately came to me about my ‘inherent divinity’ & that there was no separate God. The effect was cathartic & I wanted to tell the whole world about my discovery & no one wanted to listen. I felt like I wanted to burst with this knowledge & wrote the poem below.

A Souls Journey - Maria Jory

I wandered aimless Searching Restless I knew no peace. How could I know the answer When I did not know the question? Life continued, Ignorant. Why was I empty Living life to the full? Yet the outside world did not satisfy. I stopped. Weary of searching. I looked within and took stock An inner flame lit up The glow brightening my path. And then quite unexpectedly The light was blazing. The DIVINE SOURCE aflame I finally knew my purpose for being. God, no longer separate We were one Merged The particular into the absolute My journey now complete I arrived From my self to my Self .

Sai Baba’s teachings about the Unity of all Faiths led to me being guided to build the ‘Temple of all Faiths’ & to my subsequent training in the New Seminary & ordination two years ago as an Interfaith Minister. When I studied Hinduism as part of the training in the New Seminary, I realised that there were four main paths to God – The path of Bhakta Yoga, which is the path of devotion – Jnana yoga, which is the path of understanding or Self – Enquiry’, – Karma Yoga, which is the path of selfless service, & the path of Raja Yoga, which focuses on meditation & mental concentration. I knew intuitively that I had naturally been drawn to the path of ‘Self –Enquiry’ & a couple of years ago when I came upon the teachings of Advaita & Non –Dualism through Ramesh Balsekar & my subsequent exploration of the teachings of Ramana Maharshi – The ‘Ah Ha! Experience occurred.’ I had found my niche as it were. I had been chronicling my spiritual journey for some years before & my existentialist way of thinking had me convinced that I was the writer, producer, director & performer of the ‘play of my life’ & that there was no one else to thank or blame for whatever happened to me. I then read ‘Ramesh Balsekar’s book ‘Consciousness Speaks’ two years ago & in a flash – I knew unequivocally that I had never been the doer. The Source, Consciousness, God, Absolute Reality, (whatever one may call it) was the only doer in the Universe. The Source or Consciousness was the Screen on which the movie of Life was being played.

Every previous concept & belief was stripped away in one single master- stroke & I was left empty of all erstwhile belief structure.

It has been a very interesting couple of years, to say the least, & I have experienced an infinite freedom in my life since then. Acceptance of ‘what is’ continues to happen more & more & I accept even the occasional inability to accept any particular situation in my life. The constant Self –Enquiry – of ‘Who is the doer?’ or ‘ Who is it that has a problem?’ in any situation brings it all into perspective. Life is not different to what it was before it is just my attitude to life that has changed. I feel more relaxed about life & the need to ‘seek & strive’ for spiritual evolution (whatever that is!) has diminished considerably.

The ‘Advaita’ teachings, in the different books that I have read point to different methods of ‘Self- Enquiry.’ Ramana Maharshi said: “ The Absolute is the Self of the cosmos & every being. Therefore by seeking his self, by the constant investigation ‘Who am I?’ it is possible for a man to realise his identity with Universal Being. It was the purest Advaita that Ramana taught.” In Verses 28, 29 & 30 of the Forty Verses, Ramana states: ….

As in a well of water deep, Dive deep with Reason cleaving sharp. With speech, mind and breath restrained, Exploring thus, mayest thou discover the real source of ego-self.

The mind through calm in deep plunge enquires. That alone is real quest for the Self. ‘This I am’- ‘ mine is not this’. Ideas such help forward the quest.

Get at the heart within by search. The ego bows its head and falls. Then flashes forth another ‘I’.. Not the ego that, but the Self, supreme, perfect.

I was reading a book recently of Robert Adams ‘ Silence of the Heart’- A particular paragraph had a very powerful impact and imprinted itself on my consciousness: “Everything, the universe, the world, your body, your fears, your problems, your happiness, everything that your senses behold, is a manifestation of the mind. It’s a mind quality. When you close your eyes, it goes away. When you sleep you transcend it. But when you are awake, the world exists. The world only exists because your mind exists, and your mind exists, because your ego exists.”

This entire world, my body, all of the emotions I imagine I feel, is a projection of the mind that I imagine is real. Just to be aware of it & no longer responding to it will make the mind weaker & weaker, until there is no mind. Robert Adams said “ Enquire what the mind is, where did it come from? Who created it? What is its source? And one day there will be like an explosion, and the ‘I’ will blow to pieces. And you’ll see light, tremendous light. You’ll become light, the light of a thousand suns. But that’s not the answer. You have to go through the light into Emptiness, into Nirvana, into Absolute Reality, which is called Parabrahman, Nothingness. That Nothingness becomes’ Everything’. “ It is so simple and yet so impossible to put into words. That is the ‘pitfall’ (the frustration for the illusory mind) of the practise of ‘self-enquiry’ – The questions has no answers, if an answer arises, that’s not it. Intellectual comprehension is helpful initially – but more of a liability than an asset eventually.

Ramesh Balsekar’s Guru – Nisargadatta Maharaj often suggested the enquiry ‘ What were you before you were born?” He said “ All I am, all I have always been, and will be, is what I was before I was ‘born’. Not being a body, how could I have been born? Being Awareness itself, how could I be aware of awareness? I am no ‘thing’ and know no ‘other’ to be aware of.”

Ramesh Balsekar suggests this Sadhana (spiritual practise) of ‘Self- enquiry’ “ At the end of the day sit back for ten, twenty, thirty minutes, go through any action which you thought was ‘your action’ during the day, find out: How did that action which I think is mine, begin? I didn’t decide ‘I will do that, out of the blue. Even if I did decide, out of the blue, then what happens is, out of the blue came a thought, which made ‘me’ decide what to do. Research has proved that every single thought that happens occurs half a second before ‘we’ grasp it as ‘ours’. So what made us act was really the result of a thought, which came half a second before we even thought of acting. If one does this investigation thoroughly and honestly, every single action that we think is ours will on investigation prove to be something over which we have no control at any stage.”

Ramesh Balsekar continues to say: “Every action investigated makes the ego more and more battered, and therefore weaker, until the moment a question arises, not intellectually, not from the battered ego, but from the very depth of the being: ‘ If ME – the ego is not necessary for actions to happen – and I’ve seen it! A number of actions have happened with ME having nothing to do with them – then’ Who is this ME? Is the ME necessary for actions to happen? ‘ Until the answer also comes from the Source ‘ My dear child, there never has been a ME or a doer. All there is, is Consciousness, or ‘I’ or the Source, who brings about everything that is brought about’. So the ME is not necessary. The YOU is not necessary. The HE or SHE is not necessary. That means all the human beings are merely instruments through which the source brings about whatever is supposed to be brought about.’ That is the conclusion the ego comes to from personal experience.”

A freedom occurs as the understanding goes deeper and the urge to ‘Seek’ gets less and less. There is nothing to do to make ‘enlightenment’ happen. ‘Who is there to do it?’ Ramesh Balsekar says: “The awakening cannot take place so long as the idea persists that one is a seeker. “ There is nothing to do, no one to do it and nowhere to go. All is as it should be NOW. The Divine plan is perfect in every detail. ALL IS WELL.

MARIA JORY

Though in itself limited, a developed intellect is nonetheless necessary as the one faculty that can bring us to the brink of true Advaitic understanding. The person with a keen intellect becomes enlightened even when the instruction of the guru is imparted casually, whereas without it the immature seeker continues to remain confused after a lifetime of seeking. A mature and penetrating intellect will not have divorced itself from intuition and bound itself so extensively in logic and reason as to obstruct its natural receptivity to the spontaneous arising of divinity. RAMESH BALSEKAR

THE SCREEN OF CONSCIOUSNESS & THE MOVIE OF LIFE

The Screen of Consciousness Upon which The movie of Life Is being played Is ‘ ALL THERE IS’

Images appear Without volition A changing panorama Sorrow and Joy Pain and Sadness The Drama of Life In all its opposites Life as we know it.

None is Real Our Role in the movie Is not who we are. We are the Screen of Consciousness Upon which the movie of life Unfolds.

Being ‘asleep’ Is identifying With the role We are playing On the Screen of Consciousness

Being ‘awake’ Is realising Our role in the movie Is not who we are We are THAT The only reality The Screen of Consciousness Which is ‘ALL THERE IS’!

Maria Jory

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